Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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