my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
