You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
