Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
