So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
