He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
