ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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