He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
