I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
