So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
