I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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