I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
