Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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