he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
