Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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