my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Mom said you looked used
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
