i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
