I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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