I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
