i already hear my dad disowning me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
