Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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