Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
