Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
