My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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