She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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