I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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