dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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