last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
