Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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