he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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