I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
