So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can you bring me the toilet please
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
