so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
