Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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