I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
