you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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