Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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