I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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