Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Nicole vs. Life
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
