Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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