Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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