His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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