Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
