I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
