she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
