idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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