the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
