I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
