there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
