Whats the glycemic index on semen?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
