i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's blow job season.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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